Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Autism Diaries XIII: A handbook of practical jokes

When autism reduces your exposure to pop culture, you have to reinvent some common pranks yourself. I'm no longer sure which of these are common, and which are original to J, but my list has grown long enough for a post:

1. Lean a glass against the inside of its cabinet door so that when someone opens the cabinet it comes crashing down.

2. Wherever two switches control one light, position each switch in a position halfway between "on" and "off" so that nothing happens when people flick the other switch.

3. Loosen everything on your mother's bike so that it just holds together until she takes it out the door and tries to ride it.

4. Loosen cabinet handles so they come off when people pull them.

5. Unscrew cabinet handles and reassemble them on the other side of the cabinet door.

6. Dig a narrow hole in the yard, insert the hose nozzle into it, and turn the water on full blast.

Then there are the more technologically complex pranks that probably aren't common:

7. Reprogram the remote that controls your bedroom fan and light to have the same code as the kitchen fan so that you can control the kitchen fan and light from your bedroom.

8. Program the phone to block calls from certain familiar individuals.

9. Program the phone alarm (who knew it had one?) to go off at 3:15 in the morning.

10. Hack, hack, hack.

The only pranks of J's I know for sure he didn't invent himself are those he got from Captain Underpants, his favorite being Ketchup packs under the toilet seat.

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